Retrospect
by Wolf's Edge
Summary: Jack gets into a car accident while driving drunk and loses his memory. Now he thinks the year is 2004 and is still raw from his divorce with Sarah. It is up to Kate to help him recover while rekindling their relationship along the way.
1. Chapter 1

**Retrospect**

_Retrospect: noun. A review, survey, or contemplation of things in the past.__ [From Latin __*retr__spectus__, past participle of __retrspicere__, __to look back at__ : __retr-__, __retro-__specere__, __to look at__; see __spek-__ in Indo-European roots.]__  
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It was a week after she had met him at the airport. Kate drove with the window open and a scowl on her face that could be seen for a mile. She barely noticed the radio blaring or the blast of warm air whipping through the interior of the sedan.

Exhaust filtered in from outside as she pulled up near the ambulance bay of St. Sebastian's Teaching Hospital. Jack's parking permit was still stuck to the corner of the windshield from all those months ago when he didn't feel like taking his Bronco to work; back when they shared everything. She hadn't had the energy to peel it away and Aaron liked the color of it― a wild palm tree green.

Kate opened the door, feeling the early spring heat assault her in a way that left her mouth dry. Her Volvo was splayed in a wash of alkaline dust and mud from the roadside, but all she could think about was that little green sticker and how out of place it would seem to remove it. Her heels clicked on the blacktop as she made her way through the hospital doors, not to the emergency department like last night.

"Ms. Austen?"

Her head snapped up. The scruffy haired doctor she had met several hours before padded over to her holding a duffle bag in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other.

"It's great to see you, frankly, I wasn't sure you'd be back." He cut her off before she could mumble a quick "hello."

"How is he?" Her grip tightened on her purse, almost white-knuckled. The neurologist gave her a sympathetic smile, pretending not to notice her puffy eyes and tear stained face.

"Look, I'm off shift, but I'd like you to accompany me back up to my office," he said as he hoisted his bag over one shoulder and motioned to the elevator. "We need to talk."

She followed him, tight-lipped and wary.

"I'm not staying with him," Kate blurted somewhere between the fourth and fifth floor, after the last occupants had shuffled out into the third floor hallway. She had no way of masking the tension in her voice, it almost cracked and she started to wish she hadn't come at all.

Dr. Brian Carter thought it better not to say much of anything until the elevator doors opened and they began the short decent to his office. He jiggled the key with his free hand and motioned her inside.

"His blood alcohol level was 0.16." He said as he flicked on the lights.

Kate's expression became all the more disapproving. She stood rigidly by the door as if reinforcing her discomfort. Carter perched on the edge of his desk.

"Tox screen also came back with moderate amounts of opioids in his system." He didn't need to consult the leaflet of papers sitting next to him.

"They're partly the reason we couldn't get him to come round last night. He's awake now, but honestly, he's lucky to be alive."

"No," Kate hissed. "He's _lucky _the _only _thing he hit was a pole." Her shoulders slumped, feeling the exhaustion sweep over her, an ache that went right down to her bones. She hadn't been sleeping well, not since he had walked out on her and the only thing that was keeping her from running away was Aaron.

She was sure she had only came the first time because her emotions had gotten the better of the small amount of rational judgment that she did possess. That whisking a sleeping Aaron into the back seat of her car, because no babysitter in their right mind would be willing to come over at three in the morning, was something a good mother would do.

"Kate"

Carter gave her a steely eyed look and shook his head as he watched the colour drain from her face. "Just sit down and relax for a minute," he urged, fearing if he didn't do something soon he'd have an extra patient to look after.

When she wavered slightly, he took her by the elbow and guided her into the faded leather chair in front of his desk. She almost tripped over his duffle bag as she sat down. The motion seemed to jar her from her thoughts and she blinked heavily, suddenly feeling as though her head was stuffed with cotton. Something was squeezing her arm. Her breath hitched.

"S'okay, just stay still for another moment." The doctor sounded unapologetic as he deflated the blood pressure cuff he had strapped around her left bicep.

"90/60, you're on the low side." He frowned, and hoisted his gym bag onto the desk. Rummaging through it he pulled out a juice box and nudged it into her hands.

"Sip on this," he instructed, cutting her off when she opened her mouth to protest. "I know it's been a rough night. You've probably only slept a couple of hours, haven't eaten, and had to take care of that son of yours to boot."

Kate sipped on the orange juice grudgingly and Carter gave her a grin, resuming his spot on the edge of his desk, mainly to keep her from falling forward if she did decide to pass out on him.

"How about a granola bar?" he offered, motioning toward his bag. "It's chocolate chip."

"No thanks." Kate ground out, trying to ignore the uncomfortable knot that her stomach had twisted itself into. She bit her lip, hoping to God her stomach did not decide to empty its contents all over the doctor's shiny black loafers.

"Okay," Carter relented when he felt she was alert enough to understand the situation at hand.. "I know this is a tough situation to deal with which is why you need to be aware of all the facts. Dr. Shephard sustained a fairly serious head injury when he hit the pole."

He slid off the desk and turned his computer monitor to face her.

"Look at this." He keyed something in and the screen sprang to life, a dark image flickered across it. "This is Jack's head CT from this morning." He let his hand hover half way down the picture.

"This light area here is most likely scar tissue from acute head trauma sustained from a fluid build-up at the base of his skull." His finger twitched as he shifted slightly. "This side ridge is the Sylvian fissure which divides the brain's temporal lobes from the frontal and parietal lobes. There is a lot of bleeding here and the damage is concentrated midway down his medial temporal lobe."

Carter watched her turn a few shades paler and shook his head. "Probably not that comforting but out of all the possible places that could have been damaged this is most likely the least dangerous," he assured. "But it means the Jack is suffering from retrograde amnesia."

"Memory loss?" she stammered.

"Yes, but it's only partial. His most remote memories are more easily accessible than events that occurred prior to the accident. When he regained consciousness this morning he insisted the date was January 7th, 2004." He kept his voice professional and impassive.

"So the plane crash, the drugs..."

"He doesn't remember anything." The doctor finished.

"This is why I'm so glad you decided to come back after last night. I never really knew Jack all that well and you were the only name on his emergency contact form," he hesitated. "There was another, but it was scratched out."

She closed her eyes, feeling all the more nauseous as the doctor started to say something else that didn't quite make it into her brain. Her entire body feel limp with dread, tugging at that part of heart that her mind had tried to shut away―the unyielding portion that had led her back to him not once, but twice in less than twenty-four hours.

Though the fog in her head she heard the shuffling of papers and the pre-offered granola bar being slid toward her.

"It'll help get your blood sugar back up," Carter encouraged. "You don't want to pass out on me do you?" He didn't like the way her hands shook as she peeled back the wrapper.

"How long until he remembers?" She asked when she finally felt strong enough to trust her voice.

"It's hard to say," Brian sighed. "I had a patient a couple of years ago with a similar condition who had their memories back within a week and another who's still in the process and that was six months ago. Everybody's different; sometimes they might never come back."

Now she looked positively horrified.

"But, that's not to say that they won't," Carter justified. "He's gonna have to take it easy. From a medical perspective I have to say that he's doing surprisingly well. He's up and fairly coherent. When I saw him this morning he was too groggy to be in much shock, I'm not quite sure he believed us when we tried to discuss his condition with him. From what I can tell he's a little on the stubborn side."

A slight hint of a smile played on Kate's features but only for a fraction of a second. Carter saw this and grinned.

"I was actually hoping you'd be up to the task of helping him out..."

"I can't." She cut him off sharply.

The doctor sighed. "I could tell by the way you were with him last night that you obviously care. I know it's none of my business but, whatever happened between you two in the past as far as he's concerned didn't happen. Even if he doesn't remember you, you're familiar to him and honestly, from the state he was in last night it might be good for him to have someone who can help keep him on track."

Kate was already on her feet and half way down the hall before he could say another word. Carter silently cursed himself.

"He's in 407A if you change your mind," he called after her, feeling her eyes bore into him as he turned his back and shuffled back into his office. He had seen the look on her face when she had arrived in the ER last night. She loved him, even if she did not want to let herself admit it.

"No! You tell me what the hell is going on!"

Kate's head snapped up. It was impossible to escape the sound filtering through her ears. A voice she had heard so many times echoed throughout the corridor making the porters look and the cleaner at the far end almost knock over the bucket of water he was mopping with.

When she blinked she was standing at the threshold of his room, almost on autopilot.

"Please Dr. Shephard, you need to calm down." One of the nurses from last night was trying to placate him. The two others flanking her looked wary.

"Don't tell me what I need to do," Jack breathed. He was bent double with both feet planted on the floor and his johnny coat hanging open in the back. His IV line appeared to be keeping him from advancing any further towards them, but did little to reign in his temper and confusion at the entire situation.

She knew the stressed look on his face all too well. The way he was pacing back and forth with the big vein on his neck pulsing as he resisted the urge to wring his hands. There was a moment of silence before he laughed humorlessly and shook his head.

"This is all some sort of sick joke right? Sarah leaves me a week ago and this is my father's way of getting me to 'take it easy'." His voice dropped so low that Kate almost couldn't hear him. She winced, his ex-wife had undoubtedly moved on years ago and his father had been dead since before the island.

The image of him confused and alone made it hard to write Jack off as a hopeless cause, as much as she knew she should when he called in his drunken stupor every Friday night. Day after day he had forced her to watch him deteriorate into the shell of the man he once was; the Jack that was her friend, her fiancé slowly retreating inside himself as if he had finally given up on everything, including her and his nephew. Kate couldn't understand what the problem was― if she of all people could force herself to stop running than why couldn't he?

Maybe that was why she came back. Why, when every time she would meet him at the airport she would hope it would be different. That he would be different...or the same as before, just Jack.

"Dr. Shephard, if you don't calm down we are going to have to sedate you!"

The nurses were becoming exasperated and she stepped in before one of them could throttle him.

"Jack, you need to sit back down." Kate looked him square in the eyes and pushed his chest so that he fell backward on the bed.

His features were indistinct in the dim light. Someone had kept the blinds drawn so that the only light in the room was the ugly fluorescent one over the bed. He adjusted himself awkwardly leaning back on the pillows, feeling shaky from the overload of adrenaline. As his heart-rate slowed and his breath returned he glared at Kate.

One of the nurses gave her an approving nod. "As you can see our patient is up and around," she stated dryly.

Jack stared harder, realizing the woman in front of him was not a nurse. He rubbed his face, trying to make sure he was fully awake and noticed his hands were trembling.

"I'm glad you're okay, Jack." Kate let it slip from her tongue before she could really think to stop herself. All the hurt and anger she had reserved for him in the past few months seemed to dissolve into the chilly air around her.

Jack looked at her sharply, his elbows propped on bent knees as he leaned forward. "I'm sorry, but how to you know my name?"

He knew it was rude to ask, but the way she was watching him expectantly like they had been to hell and back together was starting to get to him.

His words stung. Kate bit her lip, her heart felt heavy, a solid weight of unease in her chest. "I'm Kate," the air conditioning was making the hair on the back of her neck stand up.

"We're...friends," she mumbled.

His hazel eyes blinked as the nurses made their exit, leaving Kate standing by herself in the middle of the room unable to read the emotions flickering across his face.

"I don't think I've ever met you before," he resolved. "Were you a patient of mine?"

Her body straightened, unnerved by the innocent, confused way that he asked. She bit the side of her cheek to keep from releasing the tired, ironic laugh that was building inside her throat.

"No, not really." If she thought about it she supposed it would be a lie. They had all been 'patients' of his on the island in some way or another. Her conflicting expressions seemed to make him all the more uneasy.

"I really don't know who you are," he admitted, reluctantly.

"That's alright, you gave yourself a pretty hard knock on the head."

"I'm fine." Jack swallowed, his chest was starting to pound. Was this all just some stupid trick? His wife had left him for another man and now his father had hired some woman to help him get over it.

"Jack..." Kate started, noticing for the first time that he was clean shaven.

"Just get my father down here, he's the Chief of Surgery, office 517. I need to speak to him," he asked, suddenly distracted by the IV in his arm and the urge to rip the damn thing out.

She gazed at him, disturbed. "Your father's dead Jack, he died over four years ago," she whispered.

He looked so exposed, so vulnerable, that it made Kate swallow the lump in her throat and realize it was like he was hearing it again for the first time. There was a moment where they just stared, her at him, him at her, until finally she broke away, realizing the full magnitude of her mistake.

"Jack I..." she started.

"Get the hell out of here." He growled in a tone she had never heard him use before.

Kate backed away, doing the only thing she could think of. She ran.

* * *

AN: Okay this is a re-do of an old fic. Please let me know what you think and I will post more really soon.

WE


	2. Chapter 2

**Retrospect**

Five years ago, if anyone told her that she was going to raise a child Kate would have laughed in their face. Now she couldn't imagine what her life would be like without Aaron as she stood in the doorway watching him sleep. It was a nervous habit that she never could seem to shake, fearing that if she turned her back he would vanish in to thin air.

"I put him down for his nap about an hour and a half ago," Veronica, the nanny, whispered from behind her.

Kate nodded, handing her several bills from her purse. "I really do appreciate the short notice, something came up and I didn't know what else to do with him."

They walked to the kitchen. The house was warm from the light that slanted in from the huge bay windows in the adjoining living room.

"So how's he doing?" Veronica gave her a knowing look as Kate slumped against the counter, the bags under her eyes almost creeping down to meet it.

"How did you..." she stopped, unable to form what she really wanted to ask.

The nanny shrugged. "Because I can't think of anything else besides Aaron or Jack that would get you all out of sorts."

Kate hesitated, grateful when a cup of tea was placed into her shaking hands. "He was driving drunk and hit a pole," she admitted.

"Oh dear." The older lady shook her head. "Is the poor boy going to be okay?"

"He hit his head and doesn't remember anything that's happened in the past four years," it all came out of her in one garbled breath. She had to tell someone just so she could believe it herself. It felt like everything they had ever shared together had been stripped bare leaving what was left feeling tender and raw.

The corner of Veronica's mouth twitched in sympathy. "I'm sorry Kate, I know you two have had a rough few months."

"No...no it's fine." She waved her off. "Jack had his issues. I really lost him long before now."

The nanny paused for a moment, seeking out the handbag she had left on the table. "Did you really though? I can't even suspect all you must have been through with him in that plane crash. And I didn't even need to know you to understand that, the papers said enough."

Kate winced. She had hated all the publicity when they came back. Some true, most a fabricated collection of stories. It was almost as bad as having her mug-shot all over the news― a wanted criminal.

"Jack's gone," she snapped. The haunted expression he wore the night he left was permanently branded into her mind's eye. "And he isn't coming back."

"If you're sure deary," Veronica had started to make her way to the porch, but she paused to look at Kate as though considering something.

"But…" she hesitated. "You need to remember that Jack _isn't_dead. We all make mistakes and get a little lost sometimes it's just a part of life." The way she said it made Kate swallow thickly.

"Just call if you need me. I'd be happy to stay with Aaron if you want to go see Jack again." She called over her shoulder. The door clicked and when Kate opened her eyes again she was gone.

"Damn it, Jack." She was almost breathless.

"Jack?" Aaron had shuffled into the living room sleepy-eyed and yawning.

Kate bit her lip. "You need a haircut, goober," she mused, promptly changing the subject and reaching down to ruffle his hair. Aaron squirmed out of her grasp.

"Did you go see him?" the five-and-a-half-year-old asked excitedly. He was instantly awake and bouncing around on the floor in front of her. "Did he miss me? Is he coming back? Will he read me stories again?"

The more excited he got the less sense he made and soon all she could hear was incoherent babbling.

"Aaron," she sighed and pointed to the clock on the wall. Not that he could tell time but she felt the need to do so anyway. "It's almost, eleven-thirty. You' have kindergarten this afternoon."

"But I wanna go see Jack," he whined, reminding her of his first day of school, back in September, when he had requested the exact same thing.

Kate let herself drop to his level, two brilliant blue eyes staring back at her. "Jack's not feeling so well, sweet pea." She brushed her fingers against his cheek, rubbing off the smudge of what looked to be strawberry jam with the pad of her thumb.

The boy considered this, his brow crinkling in confusion. "Does he have an upset tummy like you did?"

She blushed. "Umm...no, sweetie. He's in the hospital."

Kate tried to suppress a pained frown when he started to back away from her. "He's gonna be okay though," she added quickly. "He hurt his head so he''ll have to stay in for a little while."

"Then we really need to go see him," Aaron pleaded. "So he doesn't get lonely," he justified.

"Sweetie," Kate exhaled, shaking her head and looking at the ground. She had no idea how she was even going to attempt to explain this. "When Jack bumped his head it made him forget some pretty important stuff."

"Like what?" The sandy haired boy pressed his mouth together, disbelieving, his hands tightly folded across his chest.

"Well…" she did her best to keep her voice from quivering.

"He doesn't remember putting together the swing set in the yard, or going to the park on Saturdays, or this house or living here with us," she finished lamely.

Aaron frowned, his young mind wondering how you could just forget people.

"Jack forgot us?"

"He didn't mean to honey," she soothed, wondering if she actually believed that.

"We have to see him. Please mom, so he can get better faster?" The look he gave her broke her heart.

"And what about kindergarten?" She asked, feeling anxious now, mostly with herself for entertaining the idea. Jack didn't want her anywhere near him and he certainly wouldn't want to see Aaron the logical part of her mind reasoned, but her heart was telling her something else entirely. This was the same man who was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt when nobody else would. She couldn't count the number of second chances he had given her. If their positions were reversed Jack wouldn't have left her side for a minute, he wouldn't have allowed her to fall as far as he had himself.

She owed it to him to at least try.

"I'm getting really good at my ABC's...I can spell my name and everything," Aaron interrupted her train of thought. She glanced down at him.

"So in other words you're saying you don't need to go today huh?" Kate did her best to stave off the deluge that was threatening to bubble over insider of her. Thankfully, Aaron didn't seem to notice. He nodded happily, adding in several dozen 'please mom's' in the process.

"Go upstairs and brush your teeth than," she caved. "I'll call Mrs. McCarthy to let her know you won't be in and try to keep the tooth paste in the tube this time," she added as an afterthought.

He was gone before she could blink. Slowly, she padded back to the kitchen, pulling a phone book from one of the lower cupboards and reaching for the phone mounted on the wall.

"You've reached Lake Crest Elementary, Cynthia speaking. How may I help you?" A cheerful voice cut in

Kate wedged the phone against her shoulder. "Could I speak to Mrs. Sarah McCarthy please?"

"One moment. She's in the staff room. Please hold." The line buzzed as Kate shuffled around the table, setting her mug in the sink and running water over the few plates left from breakfast.

"Hello, this is Sarah."

Her back straightened and she turned off the tap. "Hi, this is Kate, Aaron's mom. I just wanted to let you know he won't be there this afternoon. A family member is sick so he's gonna come along with me to visit them." Technically it wasn't a lie. Jack was his uncle.

The very pregnant blonde on the other end winced as she felt something kick inside of her. "I'm sorry to hear that," she spoke softly. "You tell Aaron, not to worry about it. His class has music with Ms. Lockhart and I had planned on showing a movie so he shouldn't miss too much."

"Thank you, Sarah." Kate breathed into the phone. Upstairs she could hear Aaron racing across the hardwood floor and slid her cordless back into the wall mount before she started up the stairs to join him.

They emerged from the elevator almost an hour later. Kate holding Aaron's hand as they stepped out onto the fourth floor of St. Sebastian's. She watched his nose wrinkle, taking in all the sights and smells that the neurology ward had to offer.

"Back again, I see." The playful tone startled her.

"I could say the same to you," she retorted to the shaggy haired doctor.

Brian Carter grinned back. "Went home, fed my dog and watched HBO on cable. I'm a doctor, I practically live here." He lowered his gaze to Aaron.

"Ah and who might you be?" He asked, addressing the boy.

Kate felt him grip her hand tighter. "I'm Aaron," he whispered. "Are you the one taking care of Jack?"

"Not shy, are we, sport?" The doctor beamed. "Yup, that's me. I also get to yell at him if he doesn't eat his vegetables," he winked making Aaron giggle.

"Do you think it's alright to go see him?" It was difficult for her to fight the conflicting emotions of whether she should have come in the first place. Bringing Aaron along was an entirely different story.

"Well," Carter said honestly. "I can't say he's in the best of moods. He's having trouble grasping that he doesn't remember four years of his life. I'm not entirely sure he even believes it yet. You've known him for a while right?"

Kate nodded.

"That might help. Just try and avoid anything that will stress him out any more than he already is because it will only make things worse. He's really frustrated right now."

"He was pretty mad earlier," Kate admitted.

"I heard," the doctor chuckled. "The nurses have been threatening him with sedation if he doesn't give it a rest."

She pressed her lips together while she still could reign in her emotions. She wasn't sure she'd be able to last. Seeing him like she did this morning was almost worse than seeing him after one of his binges, drunk out of his mind and high as a kite.

"Can we go see Jack now? Please?" Aaron tugged at her sleeve impatiently.

Dr. Carter tilted his head.

"Ya know," he looked down at Aaron thoughtfully. "I think, if your Mom wants to go in and let Jack know you're here, there just might be some chocolate bars in the doctor's lounge."

Aaron's eyes widened. "I could get one for Jack!" He gave Kate a pleading glance.

"Might be a good idea to judge his mood. Make sure he's not too grumpy," the dark haired man grinned.

She supposed he was right. The last thing she wanted was Aaron upset even though she knew Jack would never try and do it intentionally.

"You wanna go with Dr. Carter, sweet pea?" She asked him.

"Sport." The boy corrected. "It sounds cooler."

"Alright," she sighed. "Do you wanna go with Dr. Carter, _sport_?"

"Yeah!" he reached out for the doctor's hand. "But can you not give Jack the stuff till I get back?" He gestured toward the duffle bag she was holding.

They had managed to scrounge several changes of clothes that had been stashed in the back of her closet― the stuff Jack never got around to retrieving after their break up and was too drunk to really bother. Aaron had also added a few items of his own, insisting that he didn't want Jack to get bored. She didn't have the heart to tell him no.

Carter promised to have him back to her in a few minutes and that the doctor's lounge was just at the end of the hall and around the next corner. When she finally did muster up the courage to enter Jack's room he was sleeping restlessly.

Kate moved closer, coming to stand beside the bed, not touching, but just looking down at him in a wary awe that told her this was an entirely different Jack altogether. She hoped that, behind all the anger and frustration, he would be more like the Jack she had first met on the island rather than the shell of a man he had let himself become. When she thought about it, there would have only been eight months difference between where he thought he was now and the day of the crash. She also knew a hell of a lot could change in eight months.

She couldn't quite bring herself to wake him right away knowing full well he had a rough twenty-four hours. His body was most likely suffering from the past few months of abuse he had been putting himself through and he looked thinner because of it.

To occupy herself, Kate pulled a chair up beside his bed and rifled through the bag. She'd forgotten how much of a light sleeper he was, especially when he was stressed, and didn't notice his eyes pop open, regarding her with a hazy, confused look.

"I thought I told you to get out," he ground in a sandpapery tone. Although his voice sounded rough there was no trace of real anger making him seem almost subdued.

"You did, Jack," she sighed.

"But I couldn't because I knew that if our positions were reversed you wouldn't leave me." It was that island mentality kicking in; they were supposed to have each other's backs.

"I don't know you," his words were thick, undiluted by the score of sleep that made them seen harsh.

"No, you don't remember me," she corrected.

"This isn't real." He seethed in a way that showed his teeth. There was something about the way he did it that she couldn't place until he set his jaw and stared at her stubbornly. Sure he was pissed off with her, but the lethargic attitude and sour smell that she had learned to associate with him was gone.

She drew in breath and straightened her back to meet the intensity of his gaze. "What can I do to prove to you that it's 2008?" She asked evenly.

He glared back at her. "Not a damn thing…"

"Alright," she cut him off as he started to ask her to leave for the second time that day. "I guess we can start with this."

She had her laptop resting on top of the bag and slid it over into his lap. The motion seemed to irritate him, but he said nothing as she opened one of the media files on the desktop.

"What is this?" He gave in after a moment. Curiosity had started to get the better of him.

"Baseball," Kate shrugged.

"I can see that," he retorted.

If he was in his right state of mind he probably would have felt bad for being short with her, but as far as he was concerned she was a stranger.

"Alright," she tried to crack a smile. "It's the Boston Red Sox winning the World Series in 2004. They managed it again in 2007, but I figured you'd like to watch them in order."

His expression remained exceedingly solid with the exception of his eyebrows which had pivoted upward in an attempt to judge what was really going on. She let him take it all in, the small screen flickering, his eyes trained on the players while his mouth remained partly agape.

"Is any of this familiar to you?" Kate asked when she noticed the muscles in his arms start to tense. It took all of the self-restraint she had not to reach for him and run her fingers over his knuckles in the manner that had become somewhat of a habit of hers when he was upset. They both had them, subtle motions that danced around them like part of a play that was never acknowledged.

"It's just a movie," he huffed, slamming the cover of the computer down and out of his lap. Kate caught it before it hit the floor.

"Okay, joke's over now."

The anger bubbled up inside of her. "Is that what you think this is?" She wheezed. "Tell me, are you really that thick headed that you think this is one giant trick?"

"And what do you expect me to believe?" He shot back as she got to her feet.

"The truth. That you got in an accident and hit your head and now you don't remember anything that's happened over the past four years." Her voice was raised, the venom in her words making him lower his head.

"Jack," Kate's expression softened when she noticed how tightly his fists were clenching the bedside rail.

"I'm sorry this happened to you, really I am, but if you want to get better you've got to try and move past this."

"The last thing I remember is coming home and Sarah telling me she was with another man and wanted a divorce. I went to a bar, had a couple drinks then woke up here." He spoke through punctured breaths, staring hard at the ugly blue patterns on his hospital gown.

His demeanour made her feel even worse. The constricted tone he used brought her back to the night she had come home to find him drunk and accusing. He'd been in this situation before, that's why he was always so damn jealous of Sawyer.

Their eyes locked before he finally conceded. Something about the way she looked at him made it seem all too real. They didn't speak for a long moment before Jack asked timidly, "I guess this is really happening huh?"

Her expression brought about a sense of déjà vu that made his stomach do a flip-flop.

"Yeah," she offered him a gentle smile feeling her heart start to beat just a little faster. Her Jack really was in there somewhere.

"It really is."

"And the Sox really won the World Series twice?"

"Most people insist the second time was a copout." Dr. Carter appeared in the doorway. "I'm a Yankees fan myself."

Jack gave a snort of indignation before Aaron could leap onto the bed and launch himself into his chest.

"Whoa, easy!" Carter tried to hold him back but the little boy was too fast for him.

"Aaron," Kate started to scold, but he craned his neck from the side of Jack's shoulder and flopped back on his heels into Jack's lap.

"Oh yeah," he muttered, remembering his manners and extending his tiny hand. "I'm Aaron."

The reflexive part of Jack's mind shook the pre-offered limb out of instinct, but the rest of him stared down in befuddlement.

"I'm sorry Jack," Kate leaned closer to his ear. "This is my son."

"It's okay that you forgot me. I'm not mad." Aaron squirmed his way out of the other man's grip.

"Listen, sweetie, Jack's not feeling very well so I think we should let him get some rest. We can come back another time." Kate said gently, perplexed by his boldness.

"No...no." Jack stammered. There was something about the way the boy looked at him that tugged at his heart as though it knew that something was missing.

"I'm sorry I forgot you too, bud." His words slipped out before he could stop them. Aaron's grubby fingers bunched into his gown as he hugged him, leaving the older man feeling sheepish and confused.

"It's okay, I brought this for you." the boy dropped the half smushed Aero bar next to his thigh. Jack eyed it, unaware of why his hands felt so damn shaky. He wanted to speak, but the pair of brilliant blue eyes boring into him made his breath hitch and shrivel back into his throat.

"Okay," said Carter who was watching Jack's heart rate start to climb on the monitor. He motioned for Kate to help Aaron climb off of the bed. "I'm just going to check your reflexes, Jack."

They both sat back while Carter ran every non-invasive neurological test imaginable. His pupils were equal and reactive to light, his reflexes within normal range, and his vitals stable enough to make a ten fold improvement over what they had been last night. The shaggy haired doctor cracked a smile when Jack blatantly refused to put his right index finger on his nose and spell his name backwards.

"What the hell are you trying to prove," Jack finally erupted.

"That you're feeling better," Brian's grinned broadened. "And you're actually acknowledging that I'm a doctor here."

When he had woken up this morning Jack had blatantly refused to let Dr. Carter anywhere near him, he was Chief Resident and he'd worked with all of the hospital's current neurologists at some point or another; Carter _wasn't_one of them.

The cranky spinal surgeon glared at him.

"Look, Jack," Carter sighed. "I'm not really sure if between me and Dr. Peirce that you were really told much about this, so if there is anything that can answer for you now..."

Peirce was the toxicologist treating him for the narcotics addiction― the one that he didn't know about yet.

"When can I get out of here and back to work?" He snapped.

Kate paled a few shades whiter. She was pretty sure that Jack had gotten himself suspended when he was intoxicated.

"We'll play it by ear. As for when we can discharge you, I'll talk with Dr. Peirce when he comes on shift tonight. Besides the intracranial bruising you're in pretty good shape considering." His pager buzzed and he looked almost apologetic as he headed for the door.

"Just try and take it easy, okay?" Carter called over his shoulder leaving Jack suddenly unsure if he really wanted to be left alone with the two strangers staring back at him.

"I hate being sick," he mumbled in a voice that brought Kate back to the island.

"I could get you some crackers," she offered in a breathy whisper. "Crackers always make me feel better when I'm sick."

"Yeah, I'm sure it's right up there with the old 'whisper in the ear' trick. Thanks, but I think I'll pass." He began to idly pick at the piece of medical tape securing the IV needle to the back of his hand.

"What?" He tilted his head to resolve the funny look she was giving him.

"Nothing…it's nothing," Kate didn't let her voice catch. He stared at her, trying to decide what to say.

"Listen," he started. "I'm sorry about the way I treated you earlier. Brain damaged or not I had no right to yell at you like that." He said ruefully.

"Don't even worry about it." She brushed him off, trying to pretend as though everything they had shared together, the good and the bad, no longer mattered.

"You have enough on your plate right now." A hint of something tugged at her lips.

"Hey mom," Aaron looked up from the Nintendo DS he had been playing with while Jack was being examined. "Can we give Jack his stuff now? Please?"

The doctor's eyes lit up in surprise when she hoisted the duffle bag onto her lap.

"Just some clothes we picked up for you," she blushed a little at his reaction.

"And this," Aaron nudged his second favourite stuffed toy against Jack's leg. "This is Storm," he announced proudly, holding up the stuffed grey and white husky.

"He can stay with you so you won't get lonely."

She apologized for Aaron when his expression started to become pained. "I'm sorry, he insisted. He's always adored you."

"Kate," Jack swallowed thickly. "How exactly do we know each other?"

His eyes were starting to feel watery and he wanted nothing more to try and fill in all the gaps in his memory.

"We met on a plane," she answered after a moment of hesitation.

"A plane?" The words rolled off his tongue as he tried to picture it, tried to picture her, and Aaron, but his mind drew a complete blank. When was the last time he was even on a plane?

"From Sydney to L.A." she gave him a little more detail to latch onto.

"I was in Australia," he frowned making the muscles in his face pinch together.

"Yes, Jack. You were in Sydney," Kate assured softly.

"What else?"

"I'm sorry?" she questioned.

"Can you tell me anything else? What was I doing before I ended up here?" He raised his hands, gesturing around the room.

"I'm not sure. We haven't seen each other in a while." At least she was honest about that. What was she supposed to tell him? That he walked out on them because he was busy being a drunk?

"Oh," his expression faltered. He suddenly seemed preoccupied with his trembling fingers. A day's worth of naltrexone was barely enough to combat the shaking.

For once in her life Kate couldn't even guess what he was thinking.

"Why did you bother to come?" There was a chill to the way he asked that set her on edge.

"I told you," she sighed. "We're friends." She turned her attention to Aaron who was dozing against her chest. His game still held tightly in one hand.

"I'm sorry," she offered a tentative smile and set him down on the empty chair beside her. "He didn't get much sleep last night."

"S'alright," he mused, shifting irritably in the bed, looking pained.

"Can't sit still huh?"

"Not one of my strongest points," Jack agreed, rubbing his head. "Damn, I'd kill for a drink right about now."

Kate bit her lip, forcing a calm expression. "Somehow I think that's the last thing you need."

"Probably," he shrugged and started to scratch at his neck. He suddenly hated the helplessness of being trapped in a hospital bed while wearing an itchy gown and not being able to move. He was so damn used to being on the other side of the looking glass.

"How about a change of clothes instead?" She suggested. It would be difficult for anyone not to notice how uncomfortable he was.

"You sure you aren't my nurse?" Jack smirked.

Her head dipped and she wouldn't meet his gaze. He was racking his mind to try and figure out why most things he said seemed to elicit this reaction from her, but drew a great big blank.

Shaking off the feeling he swung his legs over the side of the bed. Standing up wasn't as difficult as before. His legs still felt like jello and his knees wobbled, but his feet remained solidly planted on the cold floor.

"Jack, where are you going?" Kate huffed when she noticed him start to saunter away from her.

Jack offered a bashful smile and pointed toward the bathroom.

"Are you sure you're okay to do that?"

They both knew he wasn't not going to say 'no' whether he was up to it or not. With one hand firmly clamped on the IV pole he disappeared from sight, the pressure in his bladder making him fidgety.

Kate had a black t-shirt and a pair of grey sweat pants laid out for him by the time she heard the toilet flush.

"What?" He panted. She was dangerously close to breaking out into a giggle.

"You'd think as a doctor you would know how to tie one of those." She gestured to the gown which was wrapped around him in a manner she couldn't even describe.

He mumbled something that sounded like "couldn't reach".

Her hands were removing it before he could open his mouth and he was forced to sit on the edge of the bed.

Kate felt a faint blush creeping over her cheeks when she had him stripped down to his boxers. It was something that shouldn't have bothered her in the slightest. There was no part of him that she hadn't seen before, but this was entirely new to him.

Her hands brushed against his shoulders. His eyes were twinkling. He'd lost some of the muscle tone in his biceps and he was thinner, but otherwise still Jack.

His gaze drifted downward and she felt his breath catch in his chest. "I got a tattoo," he wheezed, craning his neck so he could get a better look at his shoulder.

"Yeah, you had those when I met you. I guessed you must be one of those 'hard-core' spinal surgeons." She smoothed out the t-shirt and started to work the arm with the IV line through it.

"Anything but," Jack snorted, still baffled by the ink.

"Do you know what it says?"

"Not a clue." The shirt was over his head and she tapped his other arm, waiting for him to cooperate.

"I couldn't have been sober when I got this," he said, astounded, but it wasn't until he made a motion to slip into his pants did he notice the jagged scar arcing up the right side of his abdomen.

"I've had my appendix out," he stated in the same uneasy tone. He was starting to feel like he was trapped in someone else's body.

His utter shock made Kate wince.

"Just sit back, Jack." She noticed him start to go gray in the face and pated the center of the bed a couple of times.

"Why the hell can't I remember," his frustration bubbled out of him and tore through the room with the ferocity of a hurricane.

"Hey," she unconsciously brushed against his arm. "It'll come back. You just need to give it time."

He gave her an irritated look and flopped back against the pillows like a petulant child.

Kate chewed on her bottom lip, feeling as though he needed some time alone to sort things through in his head.

"Look…I'd better get Aaron home. If he sleeps much longer he'll never sleep tonight." She didn't really want to leave him, but her words did have truth to them. They were all tired and by the look of the dark circles shadowing Jack's eyes he too needed the rest.

"Kate," Jack tilted his head trying to mask how completely alone and defeated he felt. "Will you come back again?" His tone was hesitant, timid almost.

"See you tomorrow, Jack." She said as she scooped Aaron up into her arms.

* * *

AN: I made Aaron slightly older than he was in the show such that I could give him a little bit of dialogue. Hope you guts enjoyed the chapter and please review.


	3. Chapter 3

**Retrospect**

Kate came back the next day and the day after that, sometimes with Aaron in tow, sometimes not. The nurses learned to savour the few hours she did spend with Jack almost as much as he did. It was as though her visits made him less irritable and cooperative when it came time to take his vitals and administer medication. He didn't glare at them quite so much and his protests that he was "fine" seemed less frequent.

Jack didn't see Kate at all on the fourth day and his mood reflected it. He snapped at the porters wheeling him down to diagnostic imaging for an MRI, he insisted the technician didn't know what she was doing, and when he caught the nurses injecting something into his IV line he just about hit the ceiling and demanded to see his chart.

"I can't promise you he's going to be very chipper this morning," Carter remarked to Kate on the fifth day as they shuffled down the narrow stretch of hallway toward Jack's room.

"He didn't take too well to not being told what we've been pumping in his IV."

"Can't you just..." Kate started to say but the young doctor cut her off with the shake of his head.

"It's naltrexone for the opioid and alcohol addiction. Didn't want to shock him with too much too soon and Dr. Peirce has been tapering off his dosage. Now he hasn't been showing much in terms of withdrawal symptoms, but he's gonna start to notice soon. He barely slept a wink last night."

"But he's gonna be okay?" She breathed, suddenly feeling her chest knot up. Couldn't people die from withdrawal?

Carter shrugged. "Physically he's fine. I think he just needs time to adjust and deal with things. How he's gonna take this when his body starts craving the drugs again I'm not so sure, especially since he doesn't remember why he needed them in the first place."

"So when can he go home?" Her hopeful tone surprised even herself.

"Well," the doctor gave a gravelly laugh. "The sooner the better. But the question is does he have somewhere stable to go?" He looked knowingly at Kate who hung her head.

"I'm not going to leave him like this," she huffed.

What would he do if she did? Go back to his apartment and drink himself to death all over again?

They were supposed to have each other's backs.

"Fair enough." Brian's grin widened. "I'll go sort out his discharge papers and write him some prescriptions."

They had come to a stop outside Jack's door. Although Kate couldn't see him from where she was standing his raised voice was unmistakeable. He was arguing with the charge nurse for the seventh time that day over why he was not permitted to view his own medical records.

Jack barely cracked a smile when she walked into the room. His eyes were bloodshot and rimmed with dark circles that made his lids droop down to his cheeks. Kate fought the urge to cup his chin and tell him everything would be alright. She knew that in his mind they weren't supposed to comfort each other like that, to let him know that she understood his deepest fears, that this wasn't something he could control, and most importantly, how bitterly sorry she was for letting him fall the way he did.

It was still early but she could see he had taken to sliding on a faded pair of jeans and a navy blue t-shirt

"Hey. You look tired." She decided to start off easy, but cringed at her meagre attempt at small talk.

"No. I'm fine," he brushed off her concern although he did not succeed in hiding the rawness in his voice.

"You'd think after working here for so many years you'd be immune to the food." She motioned to the tray, sitting on the bedside table, of what looked like scrambled egg and toast that he hadn't even opened.

"I'm fine, Kate" he repeated firmly. Both of his hands were balled into tight fists that bunched the blankets draped over his lap. It was impossible to miss the tension in his body language as though every muscle was standing at attention.

She didn't press the issue when she noticed the slight tremor running from his shoulder all the way down to the tips of his fingers. It worsened when he flexed his hand.

"Sorry I missed you yesterday, Aaron wasn't feeling too great." She said as she took her usual perch on the chair.

His expression shifted from irritation to concern. "Is he okay?"

"Just a cold I think, sore throat, cough, sneezing all over the place. We spent most of the afternoon watching a Sponge Bob Square Pants marathon."

"A sponge what?" His lips curled in confusion.

"It's a cartoon, Jack," she rolled her eyes. When they lived together Aaron had always insisted that it was Jack who should watch cartoons with him, and yesterday was no different. She had stopped counting all the times she had said 'Jack's not here right now, sweetie.'

"Oh." Jack cast a sidelong glance at the window for lack of anything better to do. It was raining.

Kate wasn't sure if she would be able to tease the tension out of his ill mood. Luckily Dr. Peirce chose that moment to shuffle in with Jack's chart and several bottles of prescription medication.

"Well, Dr. Shephard, looks like Carter's giving you your marching orders," the Australian doctor quipped good-naturedly.

"We just need you to sign a couple of release forms and you're free to go."

Kate was sure she caught the hint of a smile tug at his lips but it was replaced by a clinical nod and a mild "thank you."

She didn't know Peirce as well as she knew Carter. This doctor was elderly with peppered hair and had a calmness about him that set her at ease, but when the toxicologist opened his mouth she knew exactly what was going to come next― and it scared the life out of her.

Dr. Elliot Peirce's expression didn't waver as he sat down in the chair next to Kate and folded his hands across his lap. There was an air of dignity about him as he did so, not letting the pain of arthritis ridden joints even come close to showing on his face. He passed the chart to Jack. Both doctors knew the drill well enough that words were not needed, at least not until the pen had been set back down and Jack was shifting to get up.

"Now, Jack," his accent was just as regal as the rest of him, Kate noticed.

"There are a few things I need to discuss before you leave." He glanced at Kate, shaking his head when she started to stand. She needed to hear this just as much as he did.

Jack glared back impatiently. The scruff ghosting across his chin made him look all the more out of place in the dull hospital light― rugged somehow, like he was on the island.

Peirce reached into the paper bag on his knee and handed the first bottle to Jack. "A week's worth of toradol, four times a day to further reduce the inflammation in your brain."

Kate watched Jack grit his teeth knowing full well how much he hated being given medical advice. His expression turned grim by the time the second bottle was thrust into his hands; trazodone, sleeping pills, to use as needed.

"I know you haven't been sleeping well and these are fairly mild with a relatively low risk of dependency."

"I'm not depressed," Jack snapped.

Kate winced at the harshness of his words.

"I'm not saying you are," Elliot told him calmly.

"But Dr. Carter thinks that when you start regaining your memories you may need something to take the edge off and I agree. You don't need to take them if you don't want to."

He set the last bottle next to the other two, letting Jack pick it up on his own time. The spinal surgeon emitted a low hiss when he read the label.

Naltrexone, 50 mg per day.

"I was drunk once," he growled.

"My wife had just told me she was leaving me for another man so I went to a bar to forget. I was off duty. I sure as hell do not need to be treated for alcohol dependence."

"Jack," Kate latched onto his forearm to try and calm him down. He twisted out of her grasp not even trying to restrain his fury.

"Just shut up, Kate."

She sat back, stricken.

"Calm yourself, Dr. Shephard," Dr. Peirce warned.

"When you were admitted you had a blood alcohol of 0.16 and over 400mg of oxycodone in your system. To be honest you are quite lucky you woke up at all. I am sorry you don't remember, Jack, really I am, but your body _does_ and we need to keep this under control."

He paused for a moment to take a breath. Jack refused to meet his gaze.

"Just take one pill every day for a month and you'll be right as rain. Dr. Carter will write you a new prescription in a week when you come in for a check-up." He patted the younger man awkwardly on the knee.

Jack jerked away. "You're lying," he said boldly.

"We're back to that again huh?" a new voice interrupted from the doorway. Carter shook his head with an amused smile.

"You definitely get points for being the most stubborn patient I've ever had."

"Here, here," Peirce agreed which only seemed to enrage Jack further. Seeing this, Brian stepped through the threshold and locked eyes with his patient.

"OK," he huffed.

"I know you're pissed because you really have no concept of when you are and why all of this is happening, but you need to remember that whatever caused all of this to begin with isn't here now. Yeah, something obviously turned pretty bad for you to let yourself fall into the condition that you did so use this as your chance to work past it. You're a god damn spinal surgeon, Jack. Fix it."

"Do I sense a little competition there, Brian?" Peirce grinned.

"None necessary," the neurologist winked.

"The nurse will be by to disconnect your IV and I'd like to see you in my office next Thursday at 2:00PM. Until then you need to take it easy, nothing more stressful than curling up on your couch and watching bad sitcoms. Got it?"

He glanced back at Jack who glowered at him.

"I'm sure Kate can help you with that." There was a playful undertone in his voice that made him seem to snicker as he followed the older doctor out of the room.

"You're gonna be just fine, Jack."

"Do you know why this happened?" Jack asked flatly as soon as they were alone. His arms were folded across his chest and he was obviously very uncomfortable and self-conscious.

"No Jack, I'm sorry. I don't," she half lied. She had guessed it was a bunch of things, leaving the others behind, Aaron, guilt, all of which were probably just the tip of the iceberg. He never talked to her about any of it.

His head drooped lower in shame, self-hatred for letting whatever this was seem to take over his life. Had his break up with Sarah really driven him to this?

Dr. Peirce left the chart upon Carter's request. Jack needed to see the numbers he needed something that was real.

"I'm not even sure I have a job to come back to," he mumbled feeling her gaze prickling the back of his neck. This time he didn't complain when her fingers danced light circles over his knuckles or when she forced him to look at her.

"If you're anything like the Jack I know, you won't have a problem." She told him slowly.

"Yeah? And who's that?"

"Well," Kate pretended to consider. "He's pretty resourceful, he has this way about him that can inspire anyone into doing anything. Not bad looking either."

"Sounds like quite the guy," he huffed earning an amused slap on the shoulder. "I'm not quite sure I can live up to that."

"You already have," Kate told him seriously.

He wasn't so sure he believed her and turned his attention to the IV line still secured to the back of his hand. He refused to wait for the nursing staff and slid the needle out himself. Kate had to laugh when he peeled off the electrodes attached to his body, turned off all the monitors and signed himself out on the chart.

"What?"

She forced back a chuckle. " I guess it's true what they say huh?"

"And just what do they say?" Jack found his wallet on the bedside table and slipped it into the back pocket of his jeans.

"That doctors make the absolute worst patients."

"Or the most efficient ones." They both grinned. This was easy, familiar even.

"Can I..." he hesitated.

"What is it, Jack?"

"Can I bother you for a ride home?" He scratched the back of his head, unsure if he was crossing whatever boundaries they had formed.

"Of course you can." She winced, remembering just how much distance they had put between each other.

"Thank you...for everything." He sounded like a school boy on his first date, awkward and unsure. Kate pretended not to notice and tried and put herself in his position, they were total strangers all over again.

As they walked out Jack was thankful to see that the interior of the hospital had hardly changed at all. It still smelled the same with its creaky elevators and paint that still flaked off the wall whenever someone brushed against it.

"It's been four years, Jack, not forty." Kate commented, amused by how much attention he was paying to the smallest details.

"Car's over this way."

They stepped through the ambulance bay doors and into the warm fog that made it difficult to see much of anything past the parking lot.

She fished the keys out of her purse and nodded toward the silver Acura parked a few rows back.

He winced as he stepped into the passenger side already feeling exhausted from the short walk out of the hospital. Not sleeping for the past three nights probably didn't help things much. When he could sleep it was broken, choked by a thick humidity and the fierce green of the jungle. It didn't make sense, it wasn't real he had convinced himself; just his minds way of being scrambled like a god damn egg, but it still scared the living shit out of him.

Kate watched him rub his temples. She could see the obvious discomfort in the way he slid back against the seat as though he didn't notice anything else existed.

"Told ya you were tired," she teased.

"I'm fine." He mumbled reflexively letting his head rest against the window. The cool glass felt refreshing against his forehead. The world around him seemed to be pulsating slightly so he let his eyes close, but only for a second.

The next thing he knew he was being shaken awake.

"What?" Jack looked around, confused that they had stopped moving.

"What's going on?"

"You fell asleep," Kate chuckled making him frown as he blinked sleepily.

"Seems like you were having a good dream too. Did anyone ever tell you that you talk in your sleep?" She teased. In actual fact, she had, many times. There were nights were she could have full conversations with him while he was sleeping, things that he never remembered in the morning.

"Once, I think," he winced feeling too dopey for his own good.

"Well, let's get you inside and you can finish your nap."

"I live here?" He asked, finally looking up at the neatly manicured house with its hanging purple petunias and buttercream siding.

He did once. "No, Carter made me promise to make sure you take it easy for the next few days."

"Kate, I'm..."

"Fine," she finished for him.

He glared at her.

"I know you are." Kate rolled her eyes shaking off his disgruntled expression.

"But Aaron still isn't feeling too good. I thought maybe you wouldn't mind having a look at him for me?"

That got him. "Uh yeah, sure."

She ushered him inside, her gaze calculating as he took in his surroundings with an air of apprehension.

There was nothing familiar about the tile in the front porch or the forgotten toys scattering the entrance way. Jack didn't remember any of it. He couldn't remember the one time Kate had deemed him too sick to work and turned his alarm off so he conveniently over slept for the first time in his life. Nor could he remember spending the whole day in bed watching Star Wars with Aaron.

The boy's plastic Millennium Falcon lay turned on its end against the heating vent. He had stepped on it more than once.

Jack sighed and rubbed his temples. His muscles were tense across his back as a wash of warm air assaulted his senses. There was an uncertainty in the way he hung his head, not quite meeting her eyes when she kicked off her shoes and slid into the living room.

"Come on," Kate looked back at him. "

Try and make yourself at home."

Jack followed her numbly, unsure of what else to do. The leather couch with its overstuffed cushions seemed inviting enough, especially when Kate grabbed him by the wrist and led him over to it. She smiled slightly as he gingerly sat down, dropping the remote into his lap.

He looked up at her. "Thanks but I..." his gaze was watery as he bit his lip.

"Carter's orders remember?" She tried to joke.

His lips curved upward. "I don't do 'bad sitcoms'."

"I think Aaron will be glad to hear that," Kate's grin faltered as he painfully rubbed bridge of his nose. "Jack?" She started.

He waved off the concern in her eyes with a frown. "Just a headache," his voice was firm, but more than a little breathless.

Giving him a sideways glance she shook her head and stepped into the adjoining kitchen where he could hear the rattling of bags and a whoosh of air as the fridge opened and closed. Next thing he knew she was standing over him with a glass of water and two tablets in the palm of her hand.

The naltrexone and the trazodone.

"I'm not going to..." He started stubbornly.

"Your hands are shaking," she cut him off.

Jack gave her a withered look. All the color had started to drain out of his cheeks as he set his jaw, irritated at his body for betraying him. Kate stared until he sighed and tossed both pills to the back of his throat before sipping the water greedily. She watched his warm breath steam the rim of the glass as he swallowed.

"I can handle it," he muttered bitterly, dismissing the action he had just taken.

"I know." Her thumb lightly brushed over his knuckles in a silent understanding. He hated himself for being like this, losing control just like his father did; the man he swore he would never let himself become. She could feel it radiating off him, all the anger, all the guilt. He was just as broken as she was and it made her wonder if this was her chance to fix him for once.

"You're gonna be ok, Jack." She gave his hand a light squeeze. He glanced up when he heard the TV click on. Kate dialled to The Sports Network.

"Sox aren't doing so hot this year. Never know though, they might still be in the running for the playoffs." She teased, setting the remote back down on the couch cushion. She was sure she heard him emit a low snort. He was stubbornly pretending not to be paying attention to the flickering screen.

"I'm just going to go pick up Aaron from school. Kitchen's through there and the bathroom is just down the hall. Help yourself to anything you need. I won't be long so just try and relax," Kate told him softly.

He thanked her and started to insist that he was 'fine' but she waved him off with a tired smile. Even through everything he was still the same headstrong Jack.

Across town, Aaron did his best to stifle a cough as he fiddled with his fruit-rollup.

He loved kindergarten almost as much as he loved his teacher Mrs. McCarthy. Mrs. Sarah McCarthy was kind and patient with her students, even when his best friend, Ryan Spencer, accidentally let Speedy, the class hamster, loose on Mr. Park's grade four class only to be eaten by Rex, their pet snake. She hardly ever yelled and was way better than the droopy-eyed Mrs. Hodges who taught the afternoon session and always smelled of boiled cabbage and mothballs.

On this particular day, Aaron's class was learning about the different types of occupations people could have. Holly Doyle's father came in to talk about his job as a firefighter while Jake Golding's mom spoke about being a dentist. Of all the different careers that were covered, being a doctor was by far Aaron's favourite.

He leaned over to tell Wilson, who was sucking on an apple slice, how cool it would be to save people's lives which prompted Mrs. McCarthy to give them their first real assignment of their school careers.

"Pick your favourite job and then talk to someone who does that job so that you can tell the class about it. Be sure to find out why that person chose the occupation that he or she did." Sarah grinned, watching her class chatter excitedly.

"I want to be a ballerina," said Kayla dreamily as she practiced forming the letter 'S' on a large sheet of lined paper.

Jake scoffed, "That's a girly job! I want to be a secret agent so that I can shoot the bad guys." He made his hand into a gun and shot Ryan in the chest who smiled and pretended to die.

"Well I want to be a pilot so that I can travel the globe and visit Disney World whenever I want to. What about you Aaron?"

The blonde haired boy grinned. "A doctor," he said simply.

"Ewww," Grumbled Peter. "Those are the guys who give you needles and make you take yucky medicine! They even had to cut my big brother Elliot open when he broke his arm."

"But I bet ya he feels all better now," interjected Wilson.

"Doctors do all that stuff to keep us from getting sicker and the medicine they give us helps us to feel better. It's a wicked cool job!"

"Yeah, that is kinda neat," Holly agreed.

Aaron smiled as he finished up his rows of S's and handed the sheet to Mrs. McCarthy who put a glow in the dark monster sticker on it for him. He coughed again, earning a few raised eyebrows from the people sitting at his table.

"Look's like you could use a doctor," Peter giggled.

"Nah," the sandy haired boy shrugged. "I feel a lot better now that green stuff isn't coming out of my nose anymore."

"Gross!" Kayla made a face.

Aaron shrugged. "It's gone now annnd I got to spend all of yesterday watching Sponge Bob with Mom."

"While we were stuck doing spelling with Mrs. Hodges. Mrs. McCarthy wasn't here either," Ryan pouted.

"Would you rather green stuff?" Kayla hissed, jabbing him roughly.

"Yes! And Sponge Bob!" The dark haired boy grinned as he glanced over at Aaron who was putting his pencil case back in his backpack.

"So Dad wants to know if you are coming on the camping trip next weekend? All the Cub Scouts are going to be there. He's gonna talk about it at the meeting on Wednesday."

"There's gonna be marshmallows and fires and ghost stories and everything. We even get to sleep in the middle of the woods at night!" Wilson added.

"When else would you sleep there?" Holly huffed, rolling her eyes.

"That's awesome." Aaron flashed a toothy smile. "I gotta ask my mom but it's gonna be so cool. We missed the last meeting cause we had to go see Jack at the hospital, he's sick."

"The guy who always used to take you to the park?" Ryan asked gently.

"Yeah. Jack wasn't really my dad but he lived with us when I was younger. He and my mom got in a big fight and he moved out. But now he's sick and he doesn't remember much."

"Woah, that's weird," piped Wilson, glancing up from his row of letters.

"So he doesn't remember you?" Kayla asked giving him an odd look.

"Er...yeah sorta. Mom says he hit his head really hard. He gets to stay with us for a while and I think she's really happy about it. She doesn't get all sad when I say his name anymore." Aaron finished.

Kate was waiting outside when the bell rang and waited as the children rushed to greet their parents.

"Hey. Aaron's doing a lot better today he's barely coughed at all." Sarah nodded to where Aaron was putting on his coat and changing into his outdoor shoes.

"That's great to hear." Kate smiled.

"They're learning about different types of jobs and have to find out about one to share with the class."

"Something tells me he's gonna have fun with that." Kate ruffled Aaron's hair as he trotted up to her, hugging her leg in the process.

"Got everything, Squirt?"

He nodded enthusiastically.

"So how are you doing Sarah?" She motioned to the tell-tale bulge protruding from the teacher's stomach.

"I'm six months pregnant." Mrs. McCarthy grinned, her hands lightly tracing along her stomach.

"Do you know what it's going to be yet?"

The teacher shook her head. "Mark doesn't want to know so he's painting the nursery yellow just to be on the safe side."

"Yeah," Kate agreed. "That's a good way to go. Speaking of which, we had better be heading out kiddo." She looked at Aaron who was adjusting his Spiderman backpack. "There's someone at home who might just need some cheering up."

The boy's eyes brightened. "He's gonna stay with us?"

"At least for now," she told him gently.

Sarah waved goodbye and retreated to the far side of the room to close the window. The sky was darker now with a heavy rush of rain hammering the yellow tin roofs of the school buses, threatening to engulf the city below in a torrent of water.

They were drenched by the time they made it home and waded their way into the porch.

"Um... mom. Does he know it's day time?" Aaron paused in the middle of the living room staring at Jack who was in the exact position she had left him, sitting rigidly against the back of the couch and snoring softly.

Kate sighed, swallowing back a small chuckle. "The medicine he had to take made him a little sleepy." She explained slowly.

"Remember when you were sick you felt better after you took a nap?"

"Yeah," Aaron agreed. "So Jack needs to sleep even though it's day time?"

"Yup," she grinned as she bent down to turn off the TV which was still flickering in the background.

"He can sleep sitting up?" Aaron asked, puzzled.

Kate glanced over at Jack, his chin against his chest while his neck craned at an awkward angle as he seemed to be fighting the sleep brought upon him. She sighed, unsure if he realized it was the sleeping pill she had given him along with his naltrexone and not the anti-inflammatory.

"Aaron, why don't you go into the kitchen and figure out what you want for a snack. I'll be there in a minute." She sauntered down the hallway to grab a spare pillow from the laundry room before returning to Jack."

"Hey," Kate lightly pressed her hand against his neck, tracing the strong ridge of his stubbled jaw as he continued to sleep, twitching slightly when she shook his shoulder. She watched his slow, deep breathing, fascinated with an uneasy sense of recognition. It was then that she realized how much of him she had lost over the past few months.

"Come on, Jack. Wake up, just for a minute." She coaxed him until his hazel eyes opened and looked up at her blearily and barely focused.

"Kate?" he mumbled. "Why are you here?"

She winced and set the pillow against the arm rest, patting it a couple of times.

"Lay down, Jack," she whispered, helping him stretch out across the couch. He was out again before his head came anywhere close to hitting the pillow. Kate covered him with a blanket, smiling sadly as he muttered something she couldn't understand.

"Hey sweet-pea, how was school?" She asked as she entered the kitchen.

"Mom, I'm not a kid anymore." Aaron complained, swinging his legs from the kitchen chair. "I'm not a 'sweet-pea'. I'm almost six years old!"

His birthday was November 1st and he sure wasn't going to let Kate forget it.

She forced a wary smile and bent over to tickle his ribs. "I don't care how old you get you're still my sweet-pea, buddy."

His body tensed as he tried to bat away her assault

"Can we go camping?" He asked suddenly, still giggling.

"Camping." She repeated, blinking.

"With Cubs. You won't believe how much fun it's going to be, we get to pitch tents, and roast marshmallows, and hike, and play gamesandRyan'sDadisgoingtoteachushowto..."

"Woah! Slow down goober," Kate grinned. Aaron was practically bouncing as he pointed to the slip of paper Ryan had given him.

"You have to sign this and it means we can go," he explained proudly.

"You're not going to let me say no are you?" She chuckled as she fetched him a bowl of animal crackers and a glass of milk.

"Oh Mom!" The boy gasped excitedly.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" He launched himself around her neck and kissed her five times on the cheek to accentuate his excitement. He stopped after a moment and Kate watched him bite the head off a lion before crunching the tail of a crocodile.

"Can we take Jack with us?" He asked his mouth still full of cookie.

* * *

AN: Thanks a million for all the reviews and please keep them coming. They really mean a lot to me.

Poll: What should be Jack's first memory?

a) Him screaming "We have to go back!" to Kate at the airport

b) Kate kissing him in the jungle during 2x09

c) Finding out the Kate is a wanted criminal

d) Boone dying in the cave

e) Kate telling him that she's always had his back on Penny's boat

f) The guava scene

g) Other...please specify


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